I feel like writing

I'm in the mood to write, but I don't really know what I want to write. So, I guess I'll start writing and find out what's on my mind.

I was denied veteran's status by the Utah State University financial aid department. I had assumed that I qualified because West Valley College believed I did. Unfortunately, I think West Valley College is wrong and not Utah State. In order for a reservist to be awarded veteran status he/she must have served on active duty for a reason other than training, which I haven't done yet. Because Utah State does not recognize me as a veteran for financial aid evaluation, and because I am not married or 23 years old, my financial need is based off of my parent's income and not my own. Unfortunately, my father makes way too much money, but only because my family lives in a financially inflated part of the country. His inflated wage is counteracted by an equally inflated cost of living and the net product is not wealth. So, while the government expects my parents to pay for at least $10,000 of my education annually, they really can't pay for hardly any of it.

The point I'm trying to make is that I can't afford to go to school where I had planned on going next semester.

I have been forced to reevaluate what I am going to do this coming year. I have two primary options: I can continue living in Utah until I have established residency next summer and then go to a university here; or I can move back to California, go to a community college for one last semester, and then tranfer to a university in-state somewhere. I guess the question is really "do I have any reason to stay in Utah and is it worth the cost?"

My reasons at present for remaining in the infamous "Happy Valley" are these: So I can become a resident and go to school here; because I finally have something that resembles a band again; I know people here; I like the mountains; and I'm not living in my parent's house. The first reason, the one about school, I don't even know why is a reason. Why do I want to go to school here? I'm not particularily fond of Utah culture. I feel dismembered. That feeling is probably largely caused by my own psyche and not a reality, but the feeling exists none the less and it's a lonely feeling. As far as I can see there are two groups of people in Provo: Mormons and scum. I'm neither. As for the second reason, I doubt the project is going to become anything, but I hate to abandon it anyway. I guess this is the real stickler. Without this there would be no question at all about going home. I'd be gone.

I'm not in a good situation financially at present. I have a decent job that pays well enough, but being in the Marine Corps Reserve has become far too expensive and time consuming because of the travelling I have to do to get back there. The costs outweigh the compensation. I can't last doing things that way. If I went home I'd be able to go to school full time with very few expenses because I could live with my parents, though only for the short term. I'm probably deploying to Iraq sometime in the spring (presumably after the semester ends) which would be a good enough financial kicker that I'd be able to go to school pretty comfortably for a year. Plus, I would be a real veteran and couldn't be denied a grant. I could attain a A.A. degree by the end of the spring semester at West Valley, though in English and not in my intended major of Anthropology. I wouldn't mind though.

It makes so much sense to move back home for a little while. So, I guess that's what I'll do.


On another note, I've been writing music and I've been making slow and not so steady progress on a children's book that I'm writing. It's tentative title is "The Legend of Jeremy Crocket: A Christmas Adventure Story." I have a bare bones outline for it, and an idea for a (necessary) sequel, and only about 2,000 words of the actual text completed. It's about a young scholar and his effort to discover the truth about Santa Claus in order to confront the unbelief that has taken over so many hearts. The concept has drastically transformed from what it was originally meant to be. I've changed it into a fantasy of sorts, while it was originally supposed to be devoid of any magic other than what is contained in the human spirit. I think it's a good change. I've decided to make it meaningful in different ways. The story was originally conceived when I was fairly hopeless and unwilling to believe much at all. I don't want to write a hopeless book. I want it to be full of hope.

I'm a bit surprised at the sources I've drawn influence from for the story. It wasn't where it was meant to come from at all. I know that's a bit cryptic, but that's how it will have to stay. If I say too much it could draw comments and that would be detrimental. I don't want anyone to know anything about the actual story until I have a draft done.


EXEUNT